She Ruined My (next) Orgasm!  

TicklePlease 51F  
3291 posts
6/9/2018 8:24 am
She Ruined My (next) Orgasm!

Who can resist a title like that right?

Here's what happened. I was sex toy shopping the other day, in an actual store. I know, I know, why would I do that when there's Prime shipping? Trust me, it's going to be a while before I go in one again.

I was talking with the saleslady about my new second favorite toy, the Satisfyer Pro2,

which had been helpfully shipped to me discreetly packaged. Within two days. It had been recommended to me by a former blogger here, and she wasn't lying about how good it is. That being said, it DOES take some getting used to. Being a suction toy, it makes the appropriate sucking noises. It also vibrates, so coupled with the sucking noises it can make me giggle. By giggle I mean snortlaugh. Totally sexy. Honest.

Fortunately, like all funny things, they're only funny the first few times so once I got over the giggles, I could ignore the sound and focus on the sensation... hence it skyrocketing to the number two spot on the list. Sadly, it'll never get to number one. Much like Foreigner.

All that's ruined now. The ever-so-helpful saleslady, after hearing of my struggles to get past the sound it made, commiserated. She said she herself had had the same problem because it sounded like...... IT SOUNDED LIKE......


Ok, she didn't say the fucking part, that's all me. I'm now back to square one with this thing but it's really more like negative square ten. I just know I'm going to be allllllmost there and "WOW."

Thank goodness the saleslady redeemed herself and showed me my next (pleasepleasepleasepleasedon'tsoundlikeowen) second favorite toy-to-be, the Satisfyer Rabbit!

Ever had to "break up" with a toy?

TicklePlease 51F  
11968 posts
6/9/2018 8:30 am

You KNOW what's number one on the list!

redrockrascal 60M
19736 posts
6/9/2018 8:48 am

Ever had to "break up" with a toy? No can't say I have. However, I can be a sex toy and not sound like Owen Wilson. .

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

TicklePlease replies on 6/9/2018 5:42 pm:
Do you offer free two-day shipping too?

cyclingfool 57M  
6429 posts
6/9/2018 8:50 am

Is it wrong that I'd like to just sit back and watch you enjoy either?? And join in once you gave me the nod.

TicklePlease replies on 6/9/2018 5:42 pm:
Nothing wrong with that at all!

CleavageFan4U 62M  
56811 posts
6/9/2018 8:50 am

OMG - I recently visited a somewhat nearby blogger, and we went sex toy shopping. Based on the STRONG recommendation of the sales lady, we bought something that seems very much like your first picture, though it is shaped in the form of a cute little penguin.

When we got back to the hotel, it wouldn't work. We just assumed the battery was dead. Next morning - same thing, so I took it back while she headed home. The replacement seems to work, but trying it on her will have to wait until our next visit.

HELP I39m Dating a Cum Freak
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TicklePlease replies on 6/9/2018 5:43 pm:
OH, there IS a toy called the penguin! It might even be made by the same manufacturer. I saw it mentioned in the amazon reviews while shopping for new #2. I hate it when stuff doesn't work like it's supposed to! Good for you for taking it back!

iwant2learnit 48M  
451 posts
6/9/2018 9:37 am

I haven't fully broken up with it, but my FleshLight spends a lot more time sitting idle than it does on my dick. They hype up how good it feels (and to be fair, it does feel pretty damn good), but there is no mention of the post-orgasm cleanup. Standing there at the sink, dick still partially hard, running warm water through the FleshLight to rinse it out. Oh yeah, that will knock your post-orgasmic euphoria down a few levels really fast .And then leaving it to lay on a towel so it can dry thoroughly before being put away, it sits there...reminding you of what you did...

Your recent toy experience does give those of us who ready your blog a reason to watch movies with Owen Wilson in them, so we can think about you pleasuring yourself every time he says the "W Word". I thank you for that mental image.

Try to learn something about everything and everything about something.
- Thomas Henry Huxley

TicklePlease replies on 6/9/2018 5:46 pm:
It's only fair, now that I have an image of you, at your sink, semi hard, washing your fleshlight...

dec47 72M
809 posts
6/9/2018 10:03 am

have a friend that Satisfier Pro 2 works well with and she enjoys it very much

TicklePlease replies on 6/9/2018 5:47 pm:
Pro Tip: Don't say "WOW" to her when she's using it. Or mention Owen.

smartasswoman 61F  
30709 posts
6/9/2018 10:29 am

LOL! Could you please post a Soundcloud link so we can all experience this sound for ourselves?

TicklePlease replies on 6/10/2018 4:34 am:
I'm cracking up all over again... first of all, I was like "soundcloud?" WTF is that? Then I got sucked into a black hole of Owen Wilson WOWs. Apparently the autoplay setting is the default so after the first click, it just kept playing all the WOW clips!

THEN I found a Star Wars video where someone had replaced the light saber sounds with the WOW!

What I didn't find was any audioclips of the Satisfyer itself.

mc_justmc 59M  
4669 posts
6/9/2018 11:54 am

Oh, that is too funny! I don't have any toys, I was thinking about it, because I've never had one, but that's just one more thing I gotta get rid of before I die. I wouldn't want to ruin anyone's next orgasm when they see what I've got!

TicklePlease replies on 6/9/2018 5:48 pm:
No No, buy that sex toy dammit! Leave it right out on the nightstand. (ok, maybe not, you don't want the ggirls turning it into a barbie sauna or something)

GimmeAThrill 50M
24048 posts
6/9/2018 3:10 pm

I used to have one of those pocket pussy things. I just stopped using it because you had to use lube with it, so, while it did feel more like the real thing, it was all the mess without the girl. The "entrance" was ripping, too.

On the plus side, I'm REALLY enjoying the cleavage in your profile pic.

Smart as a horse and hung like Einstein.

TicklePlease replies on 6/9/2018 5:52 pm:
Ooo, have you seen those Tenga silicone eggs? They're meant for only a few uses but they have different textures depending on which one you buy. If I had a penis I'd totally buy a few.

Thanks too!

SeaGirlFL 55F
7947 posts
6/9/2018 5:36 pm glad I wasn't drinking anything as I read this.

I ordered a toy similar to your "satisfyer", shipping rocks. Unfortunately, it never worked. Now...I'm not so sure I want to give it a try...nothing could be less of a turn on than Owen Wilson's voice, lmao!

Let us know about that Rabbit...most of the rabbits I've tried just don't have the right angles...

"Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax." – Mark Black

TicklePlease replies on 6/10/2018 4:36 am:
Yeah, the reviews of it were mixed... either love or hate because of the fixed sucker-part. The Pro has a silicone tip, the rabbit's is apparently a firmer plastic and non-bendable. I added it to my cart with an alert so we'll see if the price drops lol!

justskin1 67M  
11178 posts
6/9/2018 7:08 pm

Sadly , there are just some images, visual or aural, that can bring a great build up to an orgasm to a dead stop. May that one fade fast so you can enjoy the toy again.

If you see me in the real world, come say "Hi Justskin."

I always behave. Preferably not well.

TicklePlease replies on 6/10/2018 4:37 am:
That's SO true justskin! Thanks!

HeartCollector 61F  
7331 posts
6/9/2018 7:40 pm

That’s a conversation I’ve never had. I’ve been toy shopping in person but never had a salesperson approach me...

The gladdest hours we know are those shared with a friend or two. Wilbur D. Nesbit

TicklePlease replies on 6/10/2018 4:40 am:
EVERYBODY talks to me lol! I think I give off a "rich and ready to spend" vibe or something.


ArglBargl14 56M
258 posts
6/9/2018 7:58 pm

I've never broken up with a sex toy, though I have been the sex toy with which someone broke up.

Probably shouldn't have kept saying "Wow".

TicklePlease replies on 6/10/2018 4:41 am:
Now it's MY turn to be glad for not having a sip of coffee in my mouth just now!

redrockrascal 60M
19736 posts
6/10/2018 6:09 am

TicklePlease replies on 6/9/2018 6:42 pm:
Do you offer free two-day shipping too?

How about a nice gift wrapping . . . perhaps something you can lick off

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

TicklePlease replies on 6/10/2018 6:31 pm:
I like it that you're concerned about excess packaging... not to mention environmentally friendly!

wickedeasy 69F  
32201 posts
6/10/2018 9:33 am

great, terrific, wonderful...……… I have to clean my entire desktop.

You cannot conceive the many without the one.

TicklePlease replies on 6/11/2018 5:16 am:

marriedcretin 49M
1324 posts
6/10/2018 10:55 am

Hahahahahahaha....oh god, sometimes its hard to type cos I'm laughing too much...this is my favorite post of the week

TicklePlease replies on 6/10/2018 6:31 pm:
Just don't say WOW!

smartasswoman 61F  
30709 posts
6/10/2018 11:05 am

I had to go a youtubin' and found a compilation of Owen Wilson Wow's - gosh that guy sure says Wow a lot! Do you think he puts a rider on his movie contracts requiring the screenwriter to insert a few wow's for him?

And then that segued into the Star Wars one - hilarious.

All of these comments have me thinking I need to do some sex toy shopping. My current one is just a teensy bit too big and I've been putting up with that, which is silly silly.

TicklePlease replies on 6/10/2018 6:34 pm:
I'm amazed at what's out there now... the big bucks toys get copied by the reasonably priced manufacturers pretty quick. USB magnet charging is pretty nice too!

Once you tell amazon ten times that yes, you really really do want to see those adult category items, you'll be like a kid in a candy store!

sexysixties2 71F  
38175 posts
6/10/2018 1:33 pm

Oh dear....that is so funny. I have only broken up with one was just too noisy and it was too much of a distraction to the business at hand!

"Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age."
~~~ Anais Nin ~~~

TicklePlease replies on 6/10/2018 6:34 pm:
Things like that really do matter don't they!

redrockrascal 60M
19736 posts
6/11/2018 7:06 am

TicklePlease replies on 6/10/2018 7:31 pm:
I like it that you're concerned about excess packaging... not to mention environmentally friendly!

You can also reuse me after orgasms - how's that for environmentally friendly?

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

TicklePlease replies on 6/11/2018 7:20 pm:
Damn Rascal, you're the total package!

scottj55555 51M
1962 posts
6/11/2018 7:31 am

Man, oh man! I wouldn't want to hear about Owen Wilson relating to his "acting", much less to associate him with something sexual. Yikes.

TicklePlease replies on 6/11/2018 7:20 pm:
I'm likening it to a Fran Drescher talking masturbator!

26273 posts
6/11/2018 2:26 pm

I don't take my vibrator with me when I go on summer vacation, and a few years back - bought myself a new one that was recommended by the saleslady.

It cost twice as much as my fave (which I have repeat bought 3 times in 20+ years), and did absolutely nothing for me. I think I've used it twice, to no avail.

It did come in a nice little metal case, with a clip closure - which I think I might decoupage. But what do I do with the toy that I don't like?

I don't want to throw it away, when someone else might like it. Maybe I need to just slip it into my big purse, and go to a bunch of garage sales - then discreetly slip it onto the table.

That would be a good scenario for a hidden camera video - don't you think?

Check out my profile or and become a "watcher" of my blog FMAOPLS,to learn more about me, and for intelligent, lively, smartassy and fun discussion, with a little irreverence thrown in. "Like" or comment on my photos, and I promise I'll add more. Thanks.

TicklePlease replies on 6/11/2018 7:23 pm:
Just so you know, my dogs are looking at me like I've lost my mind because I'm sitting here alone, cracking up!!!

"Decoupage!" OMG!!!!!

"Reverse garage sale!"


That's a blog you should definitely write... "Suggestions for unwanted toy disposal"

scottj55555 51M
1962 posts
6/12/2018 12:56 pm

TicklePlease replies on 6/11/2018 10:20 pm:
I'm likening it to a Fran Drescher talking masturbator!

At least with Fran Drescher there are the memories of This is Spinal Tap. Owen Wilson has nothing.

TicklePlease replies on 6/12/2018 7:11 pm:
I remember! I remember!

~Bobbi Fleckman


kukoocock 49M
5811 posts
6/21/2018 5:31 am

I knew a binman once, he used to come across hundreds of them(sex toys) in the bins. That's a harsh break up mind you!

Also Foreigner, not number one ....surely I wanna know what love is made it to one? That's as Cold as Ice Tickle

I recently bought it on vinyl to relieve those heady days!! Juke Box Hero!

There are two kinds of light, the glow that illuminates & the glare that obscures. James Thurber

TicklePlease replies on 6/21/2018 10:49 am:
I knew you had to have great musical taste too!

"I Keep Waiting for a Girl Like You" was the longest song at #2 without ever getting #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart... kept off for ten weeks by Olivia Newton John's "Physical" and Hall & Oates "I Can't Go For That."

Ridiculous eh? Like either of those songs could hold a candle lol!

Golly06 66M  
1822 posts
7/3/2018 4:36 pm

This was so hilarious! Dare I say "Fucking Hilarious?" Yes, I dare! I miss the sounds of real sex and every sense being stimulated, not just body parts. I don't get the Owen Wilson thing, his kinda whiny elocution, cracks me up. "Chan Waen? That's a terrible name for a cowboy." Bwahahaaa

TicklePlease replies on 7/4/2018 3:50 am:
Bet you'll look at him in a completely new light the next time you hear him say "wow" eh? *wink

CynicusMaximus 47M
1724 posts
9/16/2018 4:26 am

I crack up every time i read this.

TicklePlease replies on 9/16/2018 12:30 pm:
I'm waiting for a "wow" text from you at an inopportune moment....

ruburclitty 61M
41 posts
1/19/2019 6:46 pm

LOve your ditties Keep it up!


TicklePlease replies on 1/20/2019 4:50 am:
Thank you!

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