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The Dangers of Casual Sex for Women
Posted:Oct 15, 2021 11:31 am
Last Updated:Oct 15, 2021 11:40 am
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This is why I choose not to engage in casual sex! I present to you my thesis on the dangers of casual sex for women.

The Dangers of Casual Sex for Women

HOOK UP CULTURE
The hookup culture is mainstream, especially with sites such as this one. But despite the flood of media messages that hookups are okay, if not desirable, many women may still feel that they’ve done something that violates their internal standards.

One of the most interesting points that studies suggest is that the rules of hookup culture disallow emotional investment in the object of sexual conquest. Essentially, the rules dictate that sex itself is not taboo, but becoming emotionally invested in your partner is. Instead of the traditional concept of dating, where a couple gets to know each other and expresses some level of affection and interest before advancing sexually, sex is now the first barrier to be crossed.

The fact that emotional investment in an intimate partner is considered a violation and could lead to a person being labeled as “desperate” indicates the deep fear of vulnerability that pervades many people across age groups in our culture today. Fear of being hurt or rejected causes people to limit access to their own emotions and avoid creating the bonds that bring emotional fulfillment in relationships.

BIOLOGY AT PLAY
Research has shown that when women are looking for short-term sex or casual sex, they get very picky and usually mate with the better men because there’s no shortage of willing men for just sex. The very perception we make in our minds that the man has mate value makes casual sex with him dangerous. That’s because a woman’s body has already formed an internal feeling about him. So, going ahead and having sex with him heightens the potential loss she will feel when he doesn’t show signs that he cares for her after the sex.

Who (man or woman) has sexual property more worthy of protecting and selective of who can access it? Sperm is so cheap and so plentiful that it can be sprayed everywhere, without concern, and there’s still more where that came from. And a lot of those sperm are only there to help the most potent sperm swim strong and hard to the egg because it’s so hard to survive in the female’s reproductive tract.

Eggs, on the other hand, are expensive! Prospective parents are willing to up to $5,000 for a donor egg. And how much do sperm donors get? If a man is an open donor, he will get $125 per viable sperm sample, and if he is a closed donor, he will get $20. The sheer number of sperm produced compared to eggs is enough to let you know why women not only have a reproductive head start on men, but women are reproductively more valuable. This biology points to the reminder that men need to work hard to get to the egg.

So what should women do now that they know their value? Well, you are choosy. You don’t give yourself away.

DANGERS OF CASUAL SEX
Would you or give away your home for 1% of the market price? No? Under what circumstance would you your home for 1% of the market price? You'd do it if you desperately needed . ANY . Any will do, and then when you get that 1% and then lose your house, you feel miserable about it. You feel used!

When there is so-called free sexuality, and women are sexually liberated (in a way that makes sex readily available), the value of sex goes down. It becomes easy, a commodity, a vehicle for meeting one's needs quickly. We risk the danger of becoming desensitized to sex. Also, feeling pressured to have casual sex because "everyone else is" has been proven to cause women to develop performance anxiety, ironically setting the stage for future sexual dysfunction. Other common reactions include regret, disappointment, confusion, embarrassment, guilt, and low self-esteem.

Here's the bottom line: Women almost always risk losing something of value. And that value that is lost is not necessarily the fact that they let the man have sex with them. The value they lose is the man's commitment. And at times, the cost could even mean her life.

While many women do not need a man to survive anymore (hardly any of us do in the developed world), she still needs him emotionally. We still need each other emotionally. Ultimately, sex is not free, and love is not free. At some point, somebody gets hurt.

SEXUAL EQUALITY
When we live in a society that ridicules a woman for wanting to “trust a man fully first” before having sex, aren’t we swapping one way of oppressing women for another?

On the surface, it looks like we are oppressing women when we say they shouldn’t have sex casually. But we are also suppressing women by invalidating the feelings of women who want to feel trust before sex. Because these women then go on to feel like their desire for deep emotional connection are wrong or uncool.

Women’s anger over sexual equality should not be focused on having casual unemotional sex; our anger should be over the fact that a man wants sex with us without ever gaining our trust! Our bodies are ours. Do you think it’s good to ask that men match our care level for our bodies and take responsibility for being the gatekeepers of sex just as much as women? Think about it. A man in love will care, but a casual sex partner? Probably not!

EMOTIONAL INVESTMENTS
Why is it wrong to save yourself for one man and allow that yearning and aching to remind you of what matters instead of using meaningless fillers in the meantime? Or even just using people to get your sexual needs fulfilled? Sure, it’s not “wrong” to get your sexual needs fulfilled, but it is bad when we forget the desires that lay in our hearts.

Acceptance is a human need, so rejection is something we fear. Yet, rejection can make you stronger if you realize that not everyone has to like you, be attracted to you, or want to have a relationship with you. The right people will. Being desired is not being loved. Also, attention is not love. Men will give you attention to try to get sex from you. Good sex with just some man is nothing like good sex with the man who genuinely likes you.

Avoiding developing emotional bonds because of the vulnerability involved leaves people missing out on one of the most fulfilling parts of relationship experiences. There is no guarantee that any relationship will work out, and it is impossible to avoid any emotional pain. Yet emotional pain can bring about personal growth and important reflections about what you want and what to avoid. The key here is emotional investment and vulnerability.

It is our investment in our sexual, mental and emotional wellbeing that we women have to consider before we engage in casual sex. With responsibility comes power. The more we take responsibility, the more power we have. Despite society's emphasis on sexuality, the best emotional, physical, and sexual health can be found in long-term relationships.

References
Krauss Whitbourne Ph.D., S., 2013. How Casual Sex Can Affect Our Mental Health. [online] Psychology Today.

Mullins, LCSW, R., 2017. The Emotional Costs of Hook-Up Culture — Lifestyle Management Counseling.

Wade, R., 2020. The Secret Cost for Women When They Have Casual Sex (PART 2).
0 Comments
Married Men and Cheaters!!!
Posted:Oct 12, 2021 3:45 pm
Last Updated:Oct 15, 2021 5:05 pm
95 Views
Married Men and Cheaters.
There are so many of you on here and 99% of you want to lie about it. Now I'm not attacking anyone's choices, but I will say that as for me, I do NOT have any respect for cheaters. I don't care what excuse you make, it is simply WRONG. It's actually a commandment across almost every formalized religion. Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Many of you approach me, why is beyond me, and you may lure me in and feel you have fooled me but the ruse will fall eventually. I mean there are clear indicators of a cheater... have to use K..k instead of text, can't make phone calls, can only message during certain hours, little details in photos that indicate you are NOT alone, and the biggie refusing to share your name. If you have nothing to hide then disclosing who you are shouldn't be a problem RIGHT! I know this because I am not a cheater, someone asks for my phone number... you got it, ask for my email... no biggie, my name sure go ahead and google me, I have NOTHING to hide and that's pretty much the way true single people operate.

Now I am going to address why I feel so strongly about this topic! I had what I thought was the perfect marriage; we rarely fought and most were discussions not fights per se, we were always doing things together and even through long absences (due to military) we were always connected. Flowers, chocolates, romantic nights out, you name it and we did it. Then it all changed.

At first, I just shook it off as both of us being busy, tired etc. I felt something was wrong but couldn't put a finger on where the feeling was coming from. Then the accusations began that I might be cheating. I knew I wasn't, so I agreed to have my phone lines, emails and automobile monitored to assure him that I wasn't. What's the harm when you are being honest, right? Well it wasn't to monitor my cheating, it was his way to cover his up.

Then the belittling began, I wasn't good enough, not pretty enough, need to lose weight, always some fault was found. And still I didn't see it for what it was. So I worked harder on myself to be better but it was never good enough.

My mother was the first person brave enough to tell me, "he's cheating on you and tearing you down to hide it." But I didn't want to hear that because how could that be, my marriage was perfect, we were sexual, we were successful. We had it all.

Then it wasn't... and that quickly it changed. A phone call from woman in Colorado telling me that I needed to pack my things and move out of my home because she was moving in. At first I thought it was a prank, but after an hour conversation and her sharing intimate details of my marriage, there was no denying the truth. My husband had cheated and promised to leave me to be with her. It took a little bit for the reality of what was happening to settle in. You could say that in those moments my world crumbled. I had done everything right and it had not been enough. Where do you go from there?

The betrayal was the worse because I began to look back at every action, every conversation to see what I missed, what I could have changed. Everything regardless of it's truth was now a lie. You can't feel, you can't think, you can't breathe... because it's like having your heart ripped out of your chest and you're left with nothing but doubt and pain.

And if that isn't enough, then the other women started contacting me. Seriously, who does that? "I'm looking for your husband because I'm his lover and I haven't heard from him, is he ok?" REALLY? I could see if he had lied to these women and told them he was single, but they willingly participated in destroying my marriage and my life. I've only once ever considered taking my own life and this was that moment.

And then came the conversation, because I wanted to know why. Why did this happen? And what did he do, he refused to accept any responsibility. It was MY fault. My fault because I wasn't jealous enough, my fault because I didn't want to participate in a swapping lifestyle, my fault for being steadfast in my religious faith... there were a million reasons and it was all my fault. So he fell out of love with me and had only stayed out of pity. PITY. Pity each time he kissed me, or made love to me, or told me he loved me.

We had loved the movie "The Notebook" and had promised that we would die in each others arms, that was a LIE. Everything was a LIE. Even I was a LIE. I had lied to myself when others clearly saw the signs. And I had to lie to myself and say that I would be strong enough to get through it all.

There's always the collateral damage too, no one is left unscathed. My friends who thought we were the perfect couple starting doubting their marriages, my family had to watch me suffer and doubt every reality, just saying the words "I love you" was painful. And those who loved me began to hate. No one was left untouched.

Many years later he has asked me why I have never remarried or had a serious relationship. It's a simple answer, how do I ever trust again, I cannot even trust myself. I've lost loved ones to death and that pain does eventually dull with time but betrayal is the gift that keeps on giving. I guess this is the definition of jaded. How easy it is for those who have never experienced this type of hurt, to call someone that. Why don't we call it what it truly is HURT!

So when you married men approach me, please do not be offended if I politely say NO. I will not be complicit in causing any other person this type of hurt and betrayal. I might have many sins but I won't destroy another persons life. I WILL NOT DO TO ANYONE ELSE WHAT WAS DONE TO ME.

Maybe reading these words will be enough to make one person reconsider destroying their marriage and their spouse's life.
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