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Moments Trapped In Amber…
 
General ramblings from the back of my brain as I try to put myself back together. Laugh when you can.
Keywords | Title View | Refer to a Friend |
Rest Easy, It’s Over
Posted:Aug 29, 2021 9:01 pm
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2024 6:55 pm
1642 Views

Dear V,

I had an echo of you today. That’s what I’m now calling our memories. Echoes. There’s nothing in an echo you can change or contact and it’s a dimmer version of the original. Seems fitting for the course of things.

The Echo:

We are walking through a park on our way to a bar and it’s on and off pouring around us. At the shelter in the park is an older man carrying all of his worldly belongings with him. Homeless. Taking shelter from the rain. It’s humid and hot. My jeans stick to my legs and my hairs a mess. You look beautiful as ever. Someone today squeezed my hand to warn me about something. It was the squeezing that got me. That gentle application of pressure to my hand instantly brought me back to a wet park in the rain. As we crossed onto the street you squeezed my hand and smiled. It was one of those moments that made us pause and take each other in. Wondering about the present: How deep it was? How wide it was? How much of it was mine to keep.

Laying in bed right now the echo comes back to me. It always does in the darkness…there’s no one left to keep away the parts of me that hurt myself. I feel like a comet burning up on reentry into Earth. Flickers of heat and light up in the stratosphere and a minute later there’s nothing left of me.

Love,
Now,
And Always,
Bridget Miranda Case
0 Comments
Today
Posted:Aug 29, 2021 8:48 pm
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2024 6:55 pm
1434 Views
All Things Move Toward Zero…

0 Comments
Just before twilight…
Posted:Aug 27, 2021 2:50 am
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2024 6:55 pm
1481 Views
Dear V,

It’s early in the morning and the sun is just barely hinting that it may come soon. It’s taking its time like it’s afraid commit bringing warmth and light the Earth.

Im still awake. Haven’t slept night and I can think of is the floating thing between my lungs where my heart uses be. Somewhere outside my bedroom I can hear the air conditioner clicking over.

It’s moments like this, in the darkness, just before Dawn that the reality of my situation slowly creeps into the back of my brain and starts a low buzzing noise there.

Outside a bird is asking: Poo-to-tweet?

Silence.

Nothing.


There are events that happen to you throughout the course of your existence that separate your life into two sections. “Before this happened,” and, “After this happened.” Who you are on either end is never the . The event fundamentally changes you.

I have a horrible suspicion that we are here on Earth find out that everything we love will be taken from us. Most likely due an error in high places rather than by design. What do you do after that happens? Better luck tomorrow? Im struggling to find the answer but fear there may not be one.

Im in bed reaching over the sheets and remembering your hand won’t be there to find. The sound of your breathing is absent from the room. I miss that. I miss a lot of things.

Love,
Now,
And Always,
Bridget Miranda Case
I

0 Comments
But this is the way I need to wake, I wake to you…
Posted:Aug 3, 2021 1:38 pm
Last Updated:Sep 21, 2021 11:21 am
1983 Views
Dear V,

It’s funny…once someone is gone the entirety of their person becomes a collection of little details in your memory that get cloudier by the . All those little moments that didn’t matter at the time seem deadly important later on. The way her hair fell across the pillow at night. How she breathed when she was truly content. The way she ran her hands over fabric like she was testing its future worth. All those little details come together to form the impression of a person. That’s what you’re left with, a phantom.

Lately I feel like I’m in a vacant room full of empty loving echoes…

You miss things and then the horror of it hits you. You miss a person that doesn’t exist anymore. That version of them is gone. You miss ghosts.

Silence.

Nothing.

The air conditioner clicks over.


Outside a bird asks: Poo-to-tweet?

And you have no words for that bird or the silence because there are no words for what you’re feeling. They don’t exist in any dictionary of Earthling speech anywhere. What you feel is something floating in your chest and your heart finding new and fantastical ways to destroy itself. It’s be beautiful if it wasn’t so painful.

And there you are, alone in the dark reaching out for a body that’s not there anymore. Let us pray it does not stay this way.

Love,
Now,
And Always,
Bridget Miranda Case

1 comment
So It Goes…
Posted:Aug 3, 2021 6:44 am
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2024 6:55 pm
1894 Views

Dear V,

There’s no moment lonelier in someone’s life then when they’re watching their world fall apart and all they can do is stare blankly. I’ve had this moment. I watched the framework of my life collapse to the ground. Nothing to be mad at I suppose. That’s simply how the moment was structured.

Earthlings I think are the great explainers of the universe. They need an explanation or a why for things that happen. The Universe does not understand this because to the Universe there is no why. It didn’t need a reason to happen. It was just there waiting in your path. No sense trying to dissect it because there is no reason.

Somewhere outside my room the air conditioner clicks over.

I’m surrounded by bits of ancient history that are foreign and confusing now. The person in the mirror stares blankly back at me and asks questions like, “Did your ambition fly out the window, through the stratosphere toward the LV-426 Nebula?”

Once upon a time a silly girl called me and asked, “Do you have any Clonazepam? I think I need another hundred if I’m going to kill myself.”

I had no Clonazepam to give and shortly there after her silly little body did cartwheels through the sky till it splattered against the pavement outside Northbay Recovery Center. She didn’t need any Clonazepam then. Sometimes in the dark, alone, I wonder if she can see how scared I am from the afterlife.

Poo-to-tweet.

Love,
Now,
And Always,
Bridget Miranda Case
0 Comments
So It Goes…
Posted:Aug 3, 2021 6:10 am
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2024 6:55 pm
1940 Views
Dear V,

There’s no moment lonelier in someone’s life then when they’re watching their world fall apart and all they can do is stare blankly. I’ve had this moment. I watched the framework of my life collapse to the ground. Nothing to be mad at I suppose. That’s simply how the moment was structured.

Earthlings I think are the great explainers of the universe. They need an explanation or a why for things that happen. The Universe does not understand this because to the Universe there is no why. It didn’t need a reason to happen. It was just there waiting in your path. No sense trying to dissect it because there is no reason.

Somewhere outside my room the air conditioner clicks over.

I’m surrounded by bits of ancient history that are foreign and confusing now. The person in the mirror stares blankly back at me and asks questions like, “Did your ambition fly out the window, through the stratosphere toward the LV-426 Nebula?”

Once upon a time a silly girl called me and asked, “Do you have any Clonazepam? I think I need another hundred if I’m going to kill myself.”

I had no Clonazepam to give and shortly there after her silly little body did cartwheels through the sky till it splattered against the pavement outside Northbay Recovery Center. She didn’t need any Clonazepam then. Sometimes in the dark, alone, I wonder if she can see how scared I am from the afterlife.

Poo-to-tweet.

Love,
Now,
And Always,
Bridget Miranda Case

0 Comments
Thoughts From A Lone Insomniac…
Posted:Aug 2, 2021 9:54 am
Last Updated:Sep 21, 2021 11:21 am
2101 Views
Dear V,

I have to work tonight from 7p-7a and here I am laying in bed wondering if sleep will ever take me. It feels very distant on the horizon lately. They tell me that’s normal. They tell me not to worry and then write all sorts of beautifully colored pills for me to take that they assure me will help correct the problem.

I’m starting to think they don’t understand the problem. Maybe even I don’t. Last October I had a nervous breakdown. Fun confession. We can all smile and chuckle uncomfortably, I understand. They told me a lot of things when it happened. What they didn’t tell me was it would take almost a year to put myself back together again.

Somewhere outside a bird just asked: Poo-to-tweet.

I wish I knew their language. Then we could trade secrets like how it feels to fly and why I’m so sad. Conversations with birds…it almost sounds like a self help or coffee table boo Is that what my life has boiled down to? Passing glances through a book in someone’s living room that they’re not really reading. They’re just waiting for their guest to return.

We’re all just idle time looking to be filled. I’m going to lay down again and hope I don’t dream.

Love,
Now,
And Always,
Bridget Miranda Case

5 Comments
Dancing With Your Ghost
Posted:Aug 2, 2021 5:54 am
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2024 6:55 pm
1970 Views
Words for today:

Yelling at the sky
Screaming at the world
Baby, why'd you go away?
I'm still your girl

Holding on too tight
Head up in the clouds
Heaven only knows
Where you are now
How do I love
How do I love again?
How do I trust
How do I trust again?
I stay up all night
Tell myself I'm alright
Baby, you're just harder to see than most
I put the record on
Wait 'til I hear our song
Every night I'm dancing with your ghost
Every night I'm dancing with your ghost
Never got the chance
To say a last goodbye
I gotta move on
But it hurts to try

How do I love
How do I love again?
How do I trust
How do I trust again?
I stay up all night
Tell myself I'm alright
Baby, you're just harder to see than most
I put the record on
Wait 'til I hear our song
Every night I'm dancing with your ghost
Every night I'm dancing with your ghost
How do I love
How do I love again?
How do I trust
How do I trust again?
I stay up all night
Tell myself I'm alright
Baby, you're just harder to see than most
I put the record on
Wait 'til I hear our song
Every night I'm dancing with your ghost
Every night I'm dancing with your ghost

Love,
Now,
And Always,
Bridget Miranda Case

0 Comments
Smiling When I Die
Posted:Aug 2, 2021 5:46 am
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2024 6:55 pm
1806 Views
It’s a Sasha Sloan sort of morning. Not quite sure what to make of that. Things are changing so fast and sometimes I feel like I’m in a vacant room full of empty loving echoes.

This is me trying to put myself back together again. I get to choose which pieces to keep and which to let go of. It’s like finally coming out of the haze and looking around only to realize you don’t recognize a fucking thing. Trauma will do that I suppose. It’s early and I work tonight so I’ll make this first one short.

Love,
Now,
And Always,
Bridget Miranda Case


0 Comments

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