Not Your Fuzzy Bunny Blog
 
Of what use is a philosopher who doesn't hurt anybody's feelings? -- Diogenes
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Dio's Private Mailbox
Posted:Sep 23, 2018 3:12 pm
Last Updated:Jan 18, 2019 8:50 am
2400 Views


This is a good place for comments, critiques of my blog, general observations or questions for me that you want to keep confidential.

Constructive critique is highly welcomed as I work to improve my writing.

If you have a question for Dio, this is a good place to privately leave it and he can it address it anonymously in his column. Don't be shy.

You're welcome.

0 Comments , 9 Pending
My Favorite Ginger
Posted:Jan 13, 2019 8:05 am
Last Updated:Jan 14, 2019 3:58 pm
148 Views



Yesterday, after I had finished my Saturday chores, I had to run to the grocery store. TheWife was working so it was my turn to fix dinner. Our cuisine tastes differ quite a bit. I'll eat just about anything that is placed in front of me, what she feels like eating can change in the time it takes to back out of the garage. The deal we have is that if she calls and tells me what she feels like having for dinner at least four hours before dinner time, I'll fix it. If no call, she has to fix dinner. I've never missed a call. I've tried. Damn cell phones.

On my way to the store, there were several signs directing the way to an estate sale. I like estate sales. You never know what might be found there. I collect a lot of different things. Collecting sounds so much better than what TheWife calls it. Hoarding. Whatmoreshit. Youreallyneedthat. Whereisthatgoingtogo. You get the picture. So I stopped in front of the house.

The house was full of the usual stuff that old dead people have. Outdated ostentatious furniture. Tube television consoles. Nothing that I dared take home. I already had at least two of each. But .... in one of the back bedrooms there was a couple of three-foot stacks of old magazines. Each issue in their own plastic sleeve. A complete collection of Mad magazines from 1952 until 2009 when the husband died. The wife, who had just croaked, canceled the subscription but held on to old issues for who knows what reason. They were not for sale. I heard someone say that it was probably worth at least $ 25,000 as they appeared to be in pristine condition. I left.

I loved Mad magazine. But not that much. Here are some of the quotes that Alfred E. Neuman made through the years. Decades old, yet timeless.

An argument is two people trying to get in the last word first.

It takes one to know one -- and vice versa.

Experience is what makes you pause briefly before going ahead and making the same mistake.

The reason most people talk to themselves is because they're often the only ones who will listen.

The distance between many people's ears is a block.

Many a good egg ends up getting beaten.

Plenty of people believe in energy conservation - mainly their own.

Family reunions are when relatives gather from all over to be reminded why they scattered in the first place.

Most people still believe in a hard day's work, but they also believe it should be spread out over the course of a week or two.

The suburbs are where they cut down all the trees and then name the streets after them.

The reason many people are lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

A plastic surgeon's office is the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose.

Any dentist who says This won't hurt a bit is lying through your teeth.

Teenagers are people who act like babies if they re not treated like adults.

If most people said what's on their minds, they'd be speechless.

Good hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even when you wish they were.

A family vacation is when you go away with the people you need to get away from.

The dollar will never fall as low as what some people will do to get it.

We're living in an age where lemonade is made with artificial ingredients and furniture polish is made with real lemons.

Today, too many workers spend their time trying to make their weekends meet.

The same parent who tells you it's time to find yourself will also tell you to get lost.

If banks are so good with numbers, why are there always eight windows and three tellers?

How is it that people looking for a helping hand tend to overlook the one at the end of their own arm?

America is still a land of promise, especially during a political campaign.

Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget is the same size.

Most people don't mind a hard day's work, just as long as they're not in that day.

Parents treat their kids like teeth: they only try bonding once irreparable damage has been done.

If we really learned from our past mistakes, most of us would never get out of bed in the morning.

Most wives are like ventriloquists: they stand there nodding while the dummy does all the talking.

Starting a war in the name of peace is like poking a hole in a balloon to get more air into it.

$25,000? Who knew?

What, me worry?
5 Comments
When I Leave the Site ...
Posted:Jan 10, 2019 6:33 pm
Last Updated:Jan 14, 2019 4:01 pm
223 Views

.... I'm taking Superbjversion2 with me.

I need to give a shout-out to one of the most creative persons on the site. Superbjversion2 leaves some of the most epic, funniest comments ever. They are the type that you never see coming. Her posts are second to none in originality.

She had left a comment, "I did think your post was kinda mean but yours is not a fuzzy bunny blog", on one of my posts and BAM!! Not Your Fuzzy Bunny Blog.

My previous title was Pointing to the Moon, which I didn't particularly care for. It was too esoteric and frankly, pretentious, for what I do on the blog. The idea "pointing to" rather than "pointing at" was referring to a Zen teaching that the observer should be focused on the big picture (the moon), what was being said, rather than the finger that was pointing it out. I know, it sucked.

So when SBJv2 made that comment I knew it was perfection for what I'm doing on the blog.

Search out her blog and comments, you won't be disappointed.
5 Comments
When Desire Exceeds Ability ....
Posted:Jan 8, 2019 5:13 pm
Last Updated:Jan 14, 2019 4:01 pm
200 Views
A female UFC fighter proved herself to be too much to handle for a would-be armed robber in Rio de Janeiro, who ended up with a face full of bruises instead of a pocket full of cash.

Strawweight UFC fighter Polyana Viana, nicknamed “the Iron Lady,” was waiting on an Uber in Rio, one of Brazil’s more dangerous cities. Viana told police that a man approached her with a fake gun and demanded her valuables, Australia’s ABC reported.

Viana told police that the man asked her for the time but then the conversation turned grim.

“And then he said, ‘Give me the phone,” Viana said. “Don’t try to react, because I’m armed.’ Then he put his hand over [a gun], but I realized it was too soft.”

Then the “Iron Lady” struck.

“He was really close to me. So I thought ‘if it’s a gun, he won’t have time to draw it.’ So I stood up. I threw two punches and a kick. He fell, then I caught him in a rear-naked choke,” the fighter added.

She then sat down next to him as he nursed his wounds and called the police.

When police arrived, they discovered that the “gun” the unlucky robber had was a hunk of cardboard fashioned into the shape of a gun.

Bystanders were amazed and told police that Viana held the man down until officers arrived.

“I was fine because he didn’t even react after. Since he took the punches very quickly, I think he was scared. So he didn’t react anymore,” Viana said.


--Warner Todd Huston



The picture looks like he only has one arm. He had two when the fight started. Just kidding.

Notice she's wearing a UFC shirt. Darwinism at it's finest.
6 Comments
I Don't Like Drama .... (bullshit)
Posted:Jan 5, 2019 11:36 am
Last Updated:Jan 17, 2019 1:20 pm
380 Views
I'm a people person. No, I don't necessarily like people but I like to know what makes them tick. I'm also a numbers guy. You know, charts, graphs, datasets, etc. Recently there was a dustup on the blogs between a few women and much "drama" ensued. This has happened before and it will happen again. Guaranteed.

There were comments on all sides, the most prevalent one being, "I don't like drama." So being the numbers guy that I am, I decided I would try to quantify that sentiment. Using blog data that instigated the drama, I compiled a dataset of the post titles, dates and views. Views, not comments, being the variable being investigated. I then broke it down to views per day and then weighted those numbers by the number of days ago the post was made. This was necessary as not weighting them would cause the most recent views/day to skew the results. Most posts receive more views in the first couple of days after the post than in the days to come.

I then used a 5-day rolling average to smooth the curve. Five days because that is about the average attention span of a human in society today.

Next, I calculated the 5-day volatility of the views. Volatility being the percentage change of post views from one day to the next. If the views change drastically from one day to the next, volatility will spike upward whether the change is positive or negative. This means that views can can continue to increase but volatility will decrease if the change decreases. Think of volatility as "interest".

Both the averages and the volatility are lagging indicators because they are looking at the past five days, not future.

Here is what the chart looks like:




The 5-day average is flat up until the shitstorm started on or around December 4 and then steadily increased until it peaked between the 16th and 22nd. It has steadily declined since the 31st and contines to decline so my assumption is that people are less interested.

Volatility spiked up, as expected, tracking the 5-day average and then mostly declined until the 31st or so. I would assume that volatility could be linked to an expectation of some event and declining views because people were disappointed.

So based on the data, I would conclude that most people, do in fact, like watching drama. The people that comment that they don't are likely telling the truth. They don't like it, but they're watching it unfold.

You're welcome to your own assumptions.



* This only took about 20 minutes to compile. I do have a life.
31 Comments
Ode to Joie
Posted:Dec 27, 2018 7:11 pm
Last Updated:Jan 12, 2019 1:36 am
582 Views

I shall not miss a wee Irish lass
You know the one, so proud of an ass
The teacher who recently dismissed the class
Casting stones of aspersions inside a house of glass.

I shall not miss a head of red
There are a few who tears will shed
Ding dong, when the Queen has fled
Joie in Blogland will be widespread.

I shall not miss the pics so flawed
Over and over again, isn’t that odd?
Comments that consistently laud
I don’t know, it seems like fraud.

I shall not miss a vocal dub
Caterwauling in a local pub
I fully expect a blogger’s snub
From members of a JoieBoi Club

I shall not miss the use of shall
Maybe a dialect of locale?
I don’t know a rationale
But never again shall I type shall.

Alas, the chance that she will go
About the same as Florida snow
We will soon see, we will know
Sure as Santa’s ho ho ho.
11 Comments
Ask Dio #5 (I Thought I Met the Woman of My Dreams)
Posted:Dec 1, 2018 6:00 pm
Last Updated:Jan 5, 2019 6:50 am
793 Views

Dear Dio,

I recently met a woman on this site and we really hit it off. She posts a lot of revealing photos of herself on her blog and I fell in love with her. Or at least I thought I had. She came out for a "visit", if you know what I mean, a few days ago and now I'm having my doubts. I fell in love with the woman in the pictures, not the woman that got off the plane. Her photos are really subdued, blurry almost. In real life, her features are sharper, more detailed and not at all attractive to me. The camera is visible in some of the mirror shots she takes and it looks like a really nice one. Big lens and lots of dials and knobs. I think equipment malfunction can be ruled out as she says she takes it everywhere she goes so she obviously knows how to use it because all the other pictures she takes of mundane subjects are out of focus too. She says it's the desired effect. I want the woman in the pictures online, not the one I see in front of me, what can I do?

NOLA_ExPat2


Dear ExPat2,

If you want the woman we're going to have to rule out a few things. First of all, and I know it's not the most important, but how is her health? Do her hands shake a lot? Can she pick up a hot cup of coffee with one hand without making a mess? When she wipes it up after spilling it all over the table, chair and floor, what speed is her dabbing motion? A severe hand shaking condition could be a reason for the blurry pictures and is not necessarily a valid reason to kick her to the curb. Grandpa Dio said that Mrs. Berkowitz in room 89 at the home gave the best hand jobs. Ever. Now if her head shakes uncontrollably and she still has her natural teeth, bid her adieu. Mr. Berkowitz bled to death a few weeks earlier.

You mentioned that she had a nice camera, lots of knobs and dials. Some women don't know how to work one knob, much less two or three. Trust me. Then when you throw in a bunch of dials, confusion may ensue. I suggest trying to find a cheap point and shoot camera at a thrift shop or something for her. One that has a single button. Women have no trouble with vacuum cleaners or mixers that just have a single switch so that may rule out equipment failure.

Wait, you want a fuzzy real life woman. Sorry, I misunderstood your dilemma. Do you have a drinking problem? Have you ever heard of beer googles? If you love her and you don't have a drinking problem, get one. And do it drunken doggie just to make sure she's the woman you think she is.

You're welcome,

Dio

5 Comments
Ask Dio #4 (Close Sexual Encounters of the Weird Kind)
Posted:Oct 28, 2018 4:36 pm
Last Updated:Jan 11, 2019 3:48 pm
1516 Views

Dear Dio,

I love women. I really love women. I love oral, both giving and receiving, so when a couple is involved, I have no problem sucking a dick with her. I have had a couple of male to male encounters and both times turned out bad. I'm not doing that again. The two previous encounters were both going good until I agreed to a back massage, I mean, who turns down a back massage especially in a male and male encounter. As soon as I turned my back on them, they both went south. It seems like when I give some guys permission to rub my back, it gives them permission to fuck my ass. I kneed the first guy in the balls after I escaped and I threw the second guy off and left when they tried butt fucking me. We're all still friends but the fact that they don't even ask permission, that's just not fucking kosher. Assholes.

I changed my profile from bisexual to straight on here and wrote a blog post informing fellow members on the site my reason for changing my preference. I'm bi-oral, nothing more.

I got a bunch of rude comments as follows:
From a couple: "Looks like you are playing name games with yourself ..."
From a woman: "Okay, you suck dick. That is not considered straight. Straight is straight and any sexual contact man to man is not straight. You are fooling yourself and lying to everyone else."

Is claiming I'm straight when I'm bi-oral lying? I mean, what is the difference between sucking a clit and sucking a dick, except for the fucking size? Am I right?

RaunchoMongrel


Dear Rauncho,

Let's try to find some common ground, points of agreement that you and the commentators have. I think we all can agree that you are a cocksucker. The woman stated as much in her first sentence. "Okay, you suck dick." It can be argued that the couple implictly agree with their statement that you are playing name games. And you confessed that you have no problems sucking a dick in a couples encounter.

Now we need to determine if you are a lying cocksucker. The woman stated a clear concise definition that " ... any man to man sexual contact is not straight." She is obviously an astute Daniel Webster fan as I doubt he could have defined the word any more succintly. The esteemed Mr. Webster further defines lying as making untrue statements. So by default, if you are bi-oral, bi-butt or bi-insertion-of-cock-in-any-available-hole and claim to be straight, you are indeed a lying cocksucker by definition.

You didn't give me a complete description of the gentlemen with which you had your encounters but in today's tinderbox of political correctness, if you rejected them because of race, you could be labeled a lying cocksucking racist. Nationality? A lying cocksucking xenophope. You mentioned "kosher", I trust you aren't a lying cocksucking Antisemite. If you rejected them because they were gay, a lying cocksucking homophobe. Which I would think a cocksucking homophobe would be an oxymoron? Readers?

I'll let the readers leave comments with their opinions on the difference between sucking a clit and sucking a dick. I don't even know where to start.

You're welcome.

Dio
8 Comments
Ask Dio #3 (Catfighting Coven)
Posted:Oct 22, 2018 5:37 pm
Last Updated:Dec 1, 2018 9:37 pm
1494 Views

Dear Dio,

Recently I was trying to write a post about a woman (usually younger) that marries some old codger for his money. I couldn't find a term that didn't disparage the woman. All the terms, "gold digger", "trophy wife" or "arm candy" seem insulting to the woman. I'm trying to improve my writing by trying not to offend readers. I recently used the term "catfight" describing a fight between two girls that involved nail scratching and hair pulling and was told that it was offensive. Why do you write such disparaging posts?

IdaHo33


Dear Ho,

Thank you, I'm flattered that you read my posts and felt something. Most don't. Read it. That's my intention, as a writer, to make you feel something. First of all, let's look at the definition of disparaging:

dis·par·ag·ing
/diˈsperijiNG/
adjective
expressing the opinion that something is of little worth; derogatory.

My posts are simply an expression of my opinion of something that that I think is of little worth. I mock them, parody them to express my opinion. Your opinion is likely different. Feel free to write your own post about how that something made you feel. It's your blog. Use your own personal style, your "voice". We all have one and each one is different. Thank God.

Before you write that post, ask yourself: "Am I writing this for me or am I writing to please people?" If you are writing to please people, to refrain from being offensive, you are never going to be a very good writer. People will read your Pollyannish post and move on to the next post. Most likely some nudie stolen off the interwebs that gets way more views and comments.

In order to interject passion into your writing, you need to write for yourself. How you feel about the subject. How you really really feel about the chosen topic. You'll have to edit to tone it down a bit so as not to get banned from the site, but that's easy. Make your writing memorable, if even for a few seconds. Engage the reader, make them want to keep reading.

Sure, you're going to offend some people. Especially on this site. I've been called names and blocked. But never banned. Good or bad, I made them feel something. Mission accomplished. Though if enough people block you, you'll have nothing to read and ergo, nothing to write about. (Pssst, change user names). Plus if you don't have thick skin, some of the comments will make you bleed. Some comments will make you question if your post was even read, much less comprehended. If more than a few mis-comprehend it, you have failed as a writer, the post was not clear. Be aware that there are many on the site that suffer from Dunning-Kruger effect and comment. Make sure you're not one of them.

A writer can't be all things to all people and be a very good writer. Isolate your audience, who you want to write to. Write to them, not for them.

You described a fight between two females that involved scratching and pulling hair. Thankfully, no biting but all those are what cats do when they fight. Have you seen cats fight? You've obviously seen two girls fight. What was the difference? Both fights involved flailing limbs and scratching. You're simply describing a fight. When you call it a catfight, the reader immediately pictures exactly what you want them to without going into any more description.

I once wrote a post about a bunch of women that were starting a group of like-minded women to assuage some of the stuff that was happening on the site they were on. If you've ever worked in an office with a bunch of women, you know how they can sometimes turn on each other. I used the term for the group the "Catfighting Cunt's Coven" in the post. And didn't get banned. Actually I got some pretty good comments from women. They appreciated the alliteration but that's a blog for another time. Individual name-calling is a huge no-no. Insinuation or double entendre is your friend. And alliteration. I like alliteration. And insinuation.

My basic rule for satirizing a person or situation is to ask myself, "Would I say this to their face?" Are they by definition a "gold digger", "trophy wife" or "arm candy"? Then use the description, the reader will picture exactly what you are describing. If my answer is "maybe", "possibly" or "probably", don't post it. It has to be an unequivocal "yes, absolutely". Your personal writing rules are different and you need to abide by them.

Always be honest with yourself. Write on.

Dio
4 Comments
Ask Dio #2 (Intimacy vs Sex)
Posted:Oct 1, 2018 8:52 pm
Last Updated:Oct 29, 2018 7:59 pm
2344 Views

Dear Dio,

I've been IMing a woman on this site. Although I have zero intention of meeting any needs she might have, I thought I'd ask what she was looking for anyway. Before she even allows me to tell her what I'm looking for first, she tells me that she is looking for love and intimacy. Bingo! That's exactly what I'm looking for. Sex. So I tell her that I'm looking for a woman that I can talk to. That's a little white lie, but hey, women like to hear that. Then I tell her intimacy and sex. I know I was repeating myself, but I was just trying to subliminally let her know that sex is the only reason I'm even talking to her. She has the audacity to tell me that she isn't looking for sex here, she can get that anywhere.

What the fuck? Intimacy means sex, doesn't it? Isn't intimacy just a euthanasia for sex?

What say you, Dio?

PinkPinto69

PS: Just so you know, I've read your other column and I don't engage with people that mock me. I block them. My time is too valuable to deal with vexatious people. I'm a highly paid attorney, I get the opportunity to argue with dumbasses all day long. Pay me first and you can satirize me all you want.


Dear Pink,

Didn't they show you how to use a thesaurus in law school? Fuck yes, intimacy is a euthanasia for sex. Or maybe it's a euphemism. Something like that. I don't know. Anyway, nothing is going to kill your boner faster than her yapping in your ear about her hopes and dreams.

You think this woman is going to worry about your blue balls first if she didn't have the decency to let you tell her what you were looking for first? I'm telling you, she's not worth the trouble. She's going to expect you to spend hours kissing and all that shit. Foreplay, I think they call it, to get her needs met first when she could just do you first in a couple of minutes and be done. I'm telling you, she's selfish and self-serving.

Next it'll be long walks along the beach, watching the sunset. That time could be better spent with her blowing you early enough in the evening to make it in time for the card game with the guys.

You're going to do what you want to do. In the event you do decide to go forward with her, I assume she cooks, doesn't she? Show up for dinner, eat, bang her, let her prattle a few minutes, tell her you don't feel good and bail. Don't help with the dishes, she'll want to talk. You might miss a hand or two, no big deal. Beats an hour or two of being bored out of your gourd listening to her drone on and on about shit you don't care about.

You're a smart guy, you'll figure something out. That over-priced education will pay for itself.

You're welcome.

Dio --

PS: My fee for answering your question is exactly the same amount that you charge me. We're square.
3 Comments
Ask Dio #1 (Profile Names)
Posted:Sep 23, 2018 1:23 pm
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2019 7:44 pm
2517 Views

Dear Dio,

For woman looking at profiles does the "name" being used in a profile sway an opinion right from the get go, like a first impression type of thing? If the "name" used sounds dirty, crude or offensive has that person messed up their chances on here? Would names like DandyDan or DaiseyDave sound more pleasant and attractive?

Fuxlikedogs47


Dear Fux,

Dude, you're 47 years old and asking a question like that? Don't you read the blogs? Women on this site are consistently wanting to know what men like you are looking for. Your user name is perfect. It burns a memorable vision in the woman's mind as to what exactly you're looking for. It's succinct, almost poetic. It should make a huge impression with the women here. The only negative comment, since most of the women on here are grammar nazis, is that you spelled "Fucks" wrong. You will probably lose a few of the psuedo-intellectuals on that point, but fuck them. They're the ones that would just find something else to bitch about.

No. No. No. DandyDan? DaiseyDave? What are you doing, trolling for queers? Metrosexuals? You'll have a lot more luck with your original name. I think it has a real Alpha male ring to it. And if you can get it by the site censors, I'd post a picture of you in action. Not with a real dog, beastiality laws you know. One of the bowsers you might be able to hook up with. A collar and and a leash would be a nice touch. Maybe a bone in her mouth. Not your bone, a milkbone or something. You seem creative, you'll think of something. I can't do everything for you.

You're welcome.

Dio --

6 Comments

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