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I hear ya PBG. I have 'issues' with my dad. Welcome to the adult child/parent dysfunction club. I hope you can work it out, but sometimes you just gotta let go.
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My mother is a piece of work. Her "reality" is so far from everyone else's that there is no reasoning with her. I can not be in the same room with her for any length of time before the arguments start. I will always be her son... but I do not like her at all. And there is almost no chance that I ever will. You can not let her control your life.
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I completely understand hun and I'm so sorry, I finally had to write mine off years ago and never have I looked back. Her loss in my book!!! Seduce the mind and see what a wonderful adventure the body will take you on.. 
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2/4/2018 2:51 pm |
I totally understand. I had a miserable childhood because my Mother stayed with a man who beat her up all the time. That finally ended after I was out of the house, but she was a druggie and a freeloader and an enabler for my crackhead brother. I finally had to just keep my distance as best I could just to not get dragged down with her. That's the best advice I can give you. You don't have to hate, just live your own life and avoid the drama as best you can.
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2/4/2018 3:14 pm |
This is a quote " hurt people hurt people " I'm not going into details but I understand completely . some people learn to us guilt to manipulate which in turn causes you to avoid them so they use more guilt to get you to do what they want and it's vicious cycle.
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I understand. My mother died 12 years ago and I still have issues with things she said and did. I never could understand how a grandmother could despise her own grandchildren.
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It was no fault of our own that they brought us into this world.I would never give them the satisfaction of guilting me for anything Using more than all the road!
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2/4/2018 5:52 pm |
Mental illness is so pervasive and even what should be the closest, most loving of relationships get ruined. It's just a sad fact of life, nobody's fault, and no effective medical or psychiatric way to deal with it. Just keep your chin up and treat her as gently as you can, while honoring your own right to live your life as best you can.
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There are only 2 people you need to please , your god and yourself. no one else has any real bearing on your life .If they do not bring positives, they should be removed to preserve your peace . Otherwise you continue the cycle of letting others make you have less than the life you deserve . but it is you who do the choosing , pax vobiscum .
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Ooh, I think this is fairly normal. There are three in my family, me, the wife and the offspring. The offspring is a lying, thieving, argumentative little shit. Sometimes it feels good to say these things here where you are anonymous. Think of it as a safety valve.
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Family is a weird damn thing IMO. They say blood is thicker than water. What they don't say is it is just as easy to drown in. Guilt doesn't help the situation it makes it worse. So you gotta keep yourself sane first. Uhmmm . . . you are still sane . . . aren't you?  When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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my mother wielded guilt like a warrior goddess. i hated her with a passion from the age of 15 until about 32. then i abided. then late in life, i took care of her as she was dying. i came to understand her then. the fear in her. she was universally loved by her friends. her grandchildren. the inlaws. i wondered sometimes if i was the only one in the world who held such hatred for her and if perhaps it was because we were so alike. she tole me over and over, i was her doppleganger. it terrified me. You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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but of course I'm sane... I'm on this site right? Uhmmm . . . yeah . . . sure . . . riiight  When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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Realizing that you love your mom but don't particularly like your mom is one of the hardest things to comes to grips with. I struggled for years until I realized that it's ok to not be a total fan of one or both of your parents. My mom's of a generation that just seems to expect us to respect them and bow down to all their wishes and whims. I can't tell you how many times I have to play hardball with my mom to get her to back the fuck off my personal life  But I feel your pain. I'm an only child so there is no help, I'm it. But I'd encourage you to get to a head space where you can feel comfortable realizing the woman may be your mother but that doesn't mean you have to like her. We can't all have great relationships with our parents because some times our parents are tools.
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My mother can be hard to deal with. Any time there's an uncomfortable silence, she feels the compulsion to fill the void with her own speech. And every moment of silence is an uncomfortable silence to her. Although she sometimes has interesting things to say, the signal to noise ratio is very low. It's difficult to maintain the patience of listening through all the noise for the signal. (By contrast, my father speaks only when he has something worthwhile to say, and consequently earns the full attention of anyone who enjoys his presence.) Fortunately, my mother makes her constant talking easier to deal with by having very little expectation that anyone else is listening. My wife's mother is more difficult. She tends to rate her self-image through others' reactions to her, so any failure to compliment her when she expects a compliment is likely to generate anger on her part. She also talks a lot, and is more likely to expect people to listen even when the signal to noise ratio is low. Her father talks less, and tends to have more to say when he does. My wife struggles to deal with her, mostly because they're a package deal, and putting up with her is a necessary sacrifice to enjoy contact with her father.
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