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Musings & Mischief
 
Stuff that goes thru my mind...
Keywords | Title View | Refer to a Friend |
Why did he cheat? We were in an "open" relationship FFS!
Posted:Apr 7, 2014 11:39 pm
Last Updated:Feb 25, 2015 1:37 am
8407 Views

Every couple who decides to be in an "open" relationship makes their own rules. Cheating is usually defined as breaking those rules. So it's not infidelity in the typical, monogamous way of thinking about it, which is basically having sex with anyone else, outside the relationship. In open relationships, the line between cheating and fidelity is not so clearly defined. In my case, I was in a primary loving relationship with man where we defined cheating as having sex with someone else without the other's knowledge and consent. My lover chose to lie about being with another woman, and even though my gut told me he was lying by omission from the start, and I found out early on, he still chose to go out with her and fuck her and lie to me about it. I will probably never truly understand why he chose to do that.
A relationship that allows sex outside of it might seem like it would be "cheat-proof". I have been asked, "But how can you say he cheated, you knew he was fucking other people". It was the lying about it that made it cheating. It wasn't that he fucked someone else, it was that even after I found out about it, he kept doing it and lying about seeing her. In my case, the lying and repeated deceit was what was so devastating. It's been a month now and I'm not over it all yet. His decision to cheat like that effected me in many negative ways, probably the most devastating was that I then called into question everything he had ever told me. If he could lie like that, repeatedly, then how could I trust anything he'd ever said? It has tortured me for several weeks now.
One of the reasons it was such a special kind of fucked up also was the reason/justfication he gave for why he chose to lie and continue to lie.
I asked him torturous questions like: Was the Other Woman really great/better than me in bed? No, he told me. Was she prettier/funnier/whatever more than I was? No. Did you have feelings for her? Not really, she was nice and fun to be around but that was it. Then why?
Since the beginning of this year I have been having really bad hormonal problems and the symptoms have really interrupted my life negatively. My partner and I were still having sex, seeing each other as often as possible and the sex was still awesome for both of us. During this time of me having "girl problems" was when he decided to cheat on me. He said he didn't tell me he was going out with/fucking her to "save my feelings". My response to that was: WTF?!?! How on earth can you say that you chose to fuck up our relationship in such a way to "spare ME"?He just wanted to get his dick wet, without any thought to my feelings! Or any respect for our open relationship, obviously!
So, why do you think he cheated? I know you don't have all the info, but in general, why would a man choose to lie when he had permission to fuck someone else in the first place? Why do men (and women I suppose) choose to lie about such a thing?
2 Comments , 2 Pending
What Used To Be
Posted:Apr 7, 2014 10:22 pm
Last Updated:Jan 8, 2015 2:12 am
7897 Views

It used to be
I would lay in your arms
Soaked in sweat from our love
Tears seeping down my face with delight

It used to be
Our love brought such joy
Peace
Contentment
To my heart
That I thought it would burst

But now
I lay here beside you
Pillow soaked in tears of regret and turmoil
Longing for the days of innocence passed

And I feel the cold steely hand of what cannot be
Wielding the knife of bitterness
Ripping through
And spilling my guts on the floor.
0 Comments , 1 Pending
Happy Ending (or...The Garage, part 2)
Posted:Dec 27, 2012 4:52 pm
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2014 2:59 am
8691 Views

As I am waiting in breathless anticipation, bent over the custom-made spanking , blindfolded, handcuffed behind my back, my pussy is already wet and ready for the playtime you have arranged for us. Since we have shared some deep dark fantasies during phone calls, you already have a good idea of what turns me on and what kind of kinks I enjoy. But this, this tops the list. You have hand made a spanking just for us to play with, covered it with cushy carpet and bent me over it.
Now the real fun begins.
As you bend me over our apparatus, you hike my skirt up over my hips, to expose my round soft ass. As you run your hands over it, feeling it's silky texture and finding the places that make me tremble and quiver in pleasure, you are pleased with the fact that I am not wearing any panties, following your exact instructions.
Then, all at once, *SMACK*!!! Not too hard, just under the curve of my bottom, a place I once described to you while sharing a fantasy. The first spank sends shock waves of pleasure through me, and I softly moan through my teeth. After several more spanks, alternating ass cheeks, you look down with satisfaction at my reddening butt.
Suddenly, you spank me so hard it leaves a nice handprint on my red ass, at which point I am on my way toward orgasm, just from a few spankies! My breathing is rough and ragged, my nipples are hard and my chest and upper back are also flushing. You reach down, between my cheeks and along my pussy lips. I hear a sharp intake of breath as you are surprised at how wet I am, a wetness that only comes from high excitement and nearness to climax. Another few well-placed spanks and I moan and writhe, almost there!
Then you back off, merely rubbing and caressing my hot ass, kissing me there, feeling my heat with your lips.
I moan when you back away, and since I am blindfolded, I do not know where you have gone or what you are doing behind my back. Then after a few lonely minutes, I feel you uncuff one arm, stretch it to the side, hook it onto something there, then cuff my other wrist in another set of cuffs, stretching my arms out wide, hooking it to something on the other side. I feel totally exposed and helpless, bound and blindfolded....and oh, so excited!!
While I am being bent over this way, I feel you lightly brush your hardening cock against my hot, red buttocks which is soo sensitive, it is almost like having a hot poker graze my skin! This action turns me on again so much that I feel like I am almost ready to explode again. You take your cock and whack my ass cheeks with it, and I feel it getting harder and harder for me with excitement. You reach down and lightly rub your thumb along my sopping wet pussy lips, then get your cock wet with my juices, rubbing it too along my wet hole and around my throbbing clit, making me moan some more with longing and desire. When you can't stand the build up any longer, you plunge your hot hard cock deep in my pussy and I almost scream from surprise and pleasure! Slowly you pull your cock out and slowly, ever so slowly, tease me by only using the tip for awhile. Then you start to get a good rhythm going, not using all of your inches, but keeping back a few at first. But I can hear your voice change as you near orgasm also, and I know you are as ready as I am to cum hard. Finally, after several minutes of amazing pumping, I feel you fill me up, give me all of your inches, fill up my hot wet hole. Your weight shifts behind me and you are putting all of your strength and weight into pushing that hard cock deep, so very very deep into my hot wet pussy!
At this point we are both breathing raggedly and about to cum, and you just keep up a fast pace and bottoming out deep inside me until I am screaming, "I'm cumming I'm cumming!" and you reply, "Me too!" and moan from deep in your throat as you pump me full of your hot cum! You can feel my whole body shaking and quaking under your hands, while you throw your head back in ecstacy, cumming so hard you can hardly breath.
After few more deep pumps, you slowly pull out and rest your body on mine, feeling my breathing slowly return to a more normal rate.
Then, just as my head stops spinning, we hear a knock on the door...
1 comment , 1 Pending
The Garage
Posted:Dec 27, 2012 3:00 pm
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2024 4:33 pm
8787 Views

There is a knock on your door....you know that it is me. You get a tingle of anticipation...this is the night you have been looking forward to for so long, and spent so many nights thinking about and planning for me, for us.
A smile crosses your face and you open the door, and there I stand, dressed exactly the way you told me to...from head to toe. My hair is pulled back from my face, off of my neck to expose the tender spots you will nibble and bite; my makeup is dark but tasteful; my body is covered, just barely, by the black top with the plunging neckline you sent me and the short black leather skirt that you picked out for me; you can see the lacy tops of the black thigh-stockings covering but also showing off my shapely legs; and the black high-heeled suede pumps you said drive you crazy are dutifully on my little feet.
You reach for me, seeing the lust and longing in my eyes. Your hands slowly rub their way down my bare arms, making me shiver involuntarily, from the inside out. A nervous smile on my face, we do not say anything; that is the way we planned it. You shut the door, and turn me around to face away from you, pressing your already hard cock and the rest of your warm body against mine, holding me by the shoulders and smelling my neck. You kiss and nuzzle my neck and I am surprised at how turned on and wet I already am, although you have barely even touched me!
As planned, you take the soft silky blindfold from your pocket and place it over my eyes, securing it so that I cannot see anything. Then you grab my left arm and pull me around to kiss you passionately for several minutes. Kissing and nuzzling my neck and then, more passionately, nibbling and biting that "certain sensitive place" along the back of my neck while you feel my body with your skillful hands. You abruptly stop and I am left breathless, aching for more contact. But you pull away and leave me standing there, wondering what is next.
All of a sudden, I feel the cold metal of handcuffs tracing up the back of my thigh, down the inside of the other, then disappear. Then I feel you stroke the back of my arm with them, from my hand all the way up to the tender part right where my arm meets my body, across my shoulder blades, then back down the other arm, to my fingertips again, then the cold metal disappears once again. Several agonizing minutes pass until I feel you drag the metal cuffs down along my cleavage and across my partially exposed breasts. My nipples harden and you brush them with the back of your hand, driving me crazy with desire. I am getting so turned on, my knees are getting weak and I am loving every minute of it. You can tell I am excited by the way my breathing quickens, whenever you touch me.
You grab my hand and lead me out the back door, telling me where the steps are and where to walk. You stop me and I stand for you to touch and fondle and tease some more before we continue on to a place I have never been before, but you have prepared for me, for us, for our pleasure and play: The Garage.
As we enter, I smell the years of car repair and dust, the old tires, the paint and turpentine. I also smell something that makes me shiver inside with anticipation : the unmistakable smell of new carpet. I also smell something that I cannot quite place, but before I can place this other smell, you push me gently to my knees, and I am surprised to find a nice soft landing for my knees. I hear the click of those handcuffs once again, but this time they are on my wrists, pulling my arms back behind me. I feel helpless and restrained, and terribly turned on! You leave me there alone in the garage for what seems like an eternity....all alone in my knees, blindfolded and handcuffed, horny for you and our play, wondering when you will come back and use me for your pleasure.
As I hear you come back in The Garage, my breath once again gets faster as I anticipate your tortuous fondling and pleasure. All at once, I feel your already hard cock, slowly traveling across my cheek, towards my mouth. Reflexively, I open my mouth. But you skip my eager mouth and continue up the other cheek, teasing me. After teasing me like this for awhile, your touching me with your cock becomes rougher, more like a cock-slap than a caress. You slap me with your hard cock several times over and over, on my cheeks and lips until I am crying out, almost begging to have you stick that hot hard thing my eager, willing mouth. You tease me so skillfully that I am still yearning for your cock in my mouth when it finally happens, you slow down and trace my hungry lips with the tip of your hard cock, teasing me slowly, ever so slowly. For a brief moment, I taste your throbbing hot cock in my mouth, giving me what I have been mentally begging for, but you pull away and leave me wanting, panting and excited.
You pull me up to stand, helping me walk across the floor until I feel something brush against my upper thighs, something that feels like a sturdy piece of furniture almost. And the smell I couldn't identify earlier comes stronger in my nostrils, and I know just what it is, and it excites me so much it sends a rush of almost molten excitement from my nipples all the way down into my already hot and aching pussy: it's the smell of freshly cut pine boards. Now I know what you have done for me, for us, and for our pain and pleasure, you have made a spanking out of wood and covered it in carpeting! I can see it in my mind's eye, and I am so hot and ready for it, I am trembling all over. This is the thing I have been waiting for, ever since we started sharing fantasies on the phone. I have been waiting for a special man to prepare a place to play out those kinky fantasies, to make them a real part of our play together. My mind is reeling with memories and thoughts as you push me down, to bend myself over the apparatus, like a saw , softened with some cushy soft carpet.
You flip up my skirt and
0 Comments , 1 Pending
Back in action...or not!
Posted:Nov 18, 2012 12:34 pm
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2014 3:00 am
8905 Views

Hello there blogreaders........
I have come back to the Japanese lover.net World of Weirdness hoping to find friends. This tactic worked once, when I lived around the Atlanta area and there were plenty of nice folks to make friends with, party with, hang out in the chatrooms with, go to meet at Meet N Greets, and some of them I formed a bond with and sometimes I even got laid!
But now, I live in the hinterlands of Oregon, just north of the Cali border, not near any big cities. Portland is 5 hours drive, San Fransisco about 6 or 7
*SIGH*
So where am I gonna find friends to hang with? I will be going to school here for another year or so, so moving isn't the answer.
Since I go to school on a college campus, I am surrounded by hot 18 year old guys (and gals!) all day every day and I guess that's waht has gotten my hormones to wake up! But I'm old enough to be their mothers, so I just go to class, and do my homework I dont really have many friends in that age group to speak of. I would love to find a caring guy that is open minded and wants what I want, is employed, (or rich LO and isn't too far away!
So I just wanted to let the world know...I'm baaaaccckkk!!!!
Not that anyone cares!
0 Comments
The Right One? or How do you KNOW?
Posted:Jul 27, 2010 10:26 am
Last Updated:Jul 27, 2010 10:13 pm
8585 Views

How do you know when you've found a soul mate?
How do you know when the fires of passion can grow into a deeply satisfying long term relationship?
Do you trust your gut?
What if your gut has been wrong before?
What if you thought you found someone, then their behavior mystifies you?
Lately I have been dating some. Not really "putting it out there" mind you, just having lunch or dinner to see if I "clicked" with the other person and wanted to pursue a relationship. Well, to put it simply I have had many first dates! They never seem to turn into a second date!!LOL
Was it ME?
Was it THEM?
I searched my soul for answers, but all I got was a kind of "he's out there, be patient" kind of feeling *SIGH*
Then, one day I was hanging out in The South Chatroom, where I go to chat when I'm bored, and a guy came in that I had known personally from years ago. We exchanged info and ended up talking for hours, and I felt really comfortable with him. No sparks, just a comfy friendly feeling. He ended up coming to visit overnight, and by the time we finished in the bedroom, I knew it wasn't "clicking"!!*sigh* Then over the course of the next week I felt truly ignored, like he had gotten laid and that was all he was interested in. So I accepted a lunch date with someone else on a Friday. That didn't go too well either. Both of these guys had nothing really wrong with them, not too many "red flags" or anything, but I just didn't "click" with either of them.
THEN...
I was in a giddy wired mood and I fired up my cam and went into the chatroom again...right after that so-so date at lunch. I was NOT looking to "hook-up" just was in there being my usual quirky, random self. On cam I was fully dressed, just typing away getting a laugh or two...then BAM! In comes this guy with a tiny picture on his profile, someone I had never seen in there before. We flirted back and forth and he gave me his IM addy and we started chatting on there. He sent me a face pic and I felt an odd familiarity with him, although we had never met before. Something about his smile and his eyes drew me in. Within minutes, we had made a date for that very night! Now, that is NOT like me!It went against every cautionary thing I had tried to use...but I went with it.
When he picked me up, I knew almost at once that this was a very special person. Just the way he looked at me, the way he talked to me...basically everything he did was like he a read some book I had written on "how to date me" or at at least my last post about how I like to be kissed! (But he hadn't read that post)!!!!
Some alarm bells were going off, but not about him, about the way I was feeling so comfy and telling him things I never talk about with anyone except a few close friends! There was that voice inside my head saying, "this can't be right, it can't be happening so fast" and stuff like that.
The connection was intense and immediate...I know now why they call it a "whirlwind romance"...but this was a goddamn TORNADO!!LOL I was totally swept off my feet...
BUT...
Having been in strange and assorted relationships over the years and knowing that I did not want a repeat performance of those, knowing that I needed to act differently and that I had promised myself that if I found someone I was interested in that I would "take it slow", I found myself doubting. Doubting that this could be real, that I was doing the right thing...Doubting his true intentions, wondering about what he was "hiding", although there was no indication that he was...he volunteered his driver's license and gave me his business card. Everything that he told me checked out later...and I felt so drawn to him. Whenever I would bring up a topic in conversation, there were these really cool parallels between our lives and connections all over the place. We left each other reluctantly at 3 am, him having a 1.5 hour drive ahead of him and work the next day.
All we had done was talk talk talk/ share share share and he gave me some of the best kisses I have ever had, and we didn't get any further, sexually.
It was the perfect first date!!
When I saw him again, the connection grew even stronger and I was getting scared...it was scary to feel like I had known him my whole life and we had only spent a matter of hours together! I had a "list" of things that I wanted to discuss with him, things that brought up caution flags, and he patiently answered all my questions and we talked again for hours. It was amazing! Strange things we have in common, like the color that he painted his kitchen was exactly what I wanted to paint MY kitchen, when I moved out of the housing here and could paint my own place! Other things, too many to bore you with here, fell into place. I read to him from a spiritual book that meant a lot to me and we talked for awhile and we found lots of common ground spiritually...and then the most "clicking" that I had ever experienced in the bedroom!!
This was another case where it was almost surreal how he kissed me, touched me and made love to me, it was like he a read a book a wrote on "Spirit's body and how to get her off again & again" LOL
It was amazing, satisfying and scary all at once!
Then I realized that it was MY heart that was still encased in ice from my last relationship...I was not scared of anything this new man revealed to me...except the intensity of his feelings for me. I could see it in his eyes, I could feel it in his touch! There's some stuff you just can't fake!

So, again....
How do you know when you've found the right person?
Is it the fireworks when you kiss? Is it that comfortable feeling that you've known him for years?
Is it a feeling that your body and his were made for each other and that it transcended "regular" sex and went on up into true lovemaking?
What is it?
All I know is that I want to explore this and of course will blog from time to time about it.
Count on it!
0 Comments
Lip Service
Posted:Jul 14, 2010 11:11 am
Last Updated:Jul 27, 2010 9:24 am
8649 Views

For me, it all starts with the kiss...
One of the KEY ingredients for me to get into sex is THE KISS...
Slow, long-lasting kisses, before any clothes come off...the kind of kiss that just makes me melt into him...and want more!
Snuggling on the couch first, kissing for awhile, then being LED into the bedroom by the hand, when the passion rises are things I really miss about being in a relationship. And having someone to kiss on a regular basis, one that really knows how to kiss me and light the fires of passion within.
Kissing is an art. Not everyone is a "born kisser", I have discovered. And there is no way tell just from looking, or even talking to the person whether they know how to kiss me the way I like.
Everybody kisses differently. Everyone likes to be kissed a little differently. A kiss is a unique expression and can lead to the kind of passion that makes me feel desired, sexy and desirable and then can blossom into the kind of sex that can be labeled true "lovemaking".
Ohhhhh how I miss that!
I often wonder, "What's up?!?!" with a guy who thinks that slamming their tongue down my throat with out so much as a "how do you do" to my lips can turn any woman on???
Oops, better just speak for myself!
When I kiss someone I am in a sexual situation with, I like LOTS and LOTS of "just lips" first. Closed-mouthed, but playful and sweet kisses are a big turn on for me. Starting off with those kind of kisses and then building up to a little bit of tonguing, more close-mouthed and little bit more tongue, some playful, soft biting of each others lips BEFORE the really deep french kissing is what gets me going more than anything!
Kissing other parts of the body is an art too. One of my "special places" to be kissed is right where my neck meets my back. For some reason, there is a VERY sensitive spot there that kissing can "light up" and sometimes, if it is done right, I can feel it all the way to my toes. After just kissing there, warming it up, then a nice nibble or two is AMAZINGLY erotic to me. It gets me wet more than anything else does. And, please, do not lick me there, I am only a fan of licking on the lower parts! I know that may sound weird to some, but licking, especially really wet licking, on my neck is actually a big turn-off! On my lover's body, I like to kiss alot too. Before I ever put his cock in my mouth, I love to kiss my partner's body,his neck, chest and belly, leading down around his navel and along where his hair just starts. When I am giving head to my lover, I sometimes start by kissing his member, all over, very softly. (unless he tells me it doesn't really get him off, and so far that has NOT happened!). The lovers I have encountered have said that it was a very intimate act and a nice way to "wake up" his cock and makes him feel wanted and cared for. (Now, this is not the case with every single BJ I have ever given, just the ones where I was really into the person and wanted it to be emotional and intimate.)
Interestingly, kissing has health benefits for both partners and may help men to bond with their partners. A recent study I read said, "“Kissing is not just kissing - it is a major escalation or de-escalation point in a powerful process of mate choice.” I prefer to just say, "If ya kiss me right, I'm yours!!! LMAO
Starting with the kiss, the RIGHT KIND of kiss can be such an amazing way to turn your partner on, improve healthy function and bond with your lover.
Maybe I could make a million dollars on a workshop outlining the "right way to kiss" (according to me at least!) but in my opinion, the best teacher on how to kiss "right" is your very own lover/partner. Talking about it can help, I have found (although it didn't necessarily change anything!) and simply telling them, "Hey I love the way you kiss me" might go far on the road to great sex.
I'm just sayin....
0 Comments
The Joys Of Not Sharing My Popcorn
Posted:Jul 13, 2010 2:06 pm
Last Updated:Jan 8, 2015 2:22 am
8650 Views
Well, I'm back here on the site...not that anyone noticed I was gone!
For the past 3+ years I have gone thru a transformation, kinda like a butterfly! It was a dark time, but I have emerged from it a better, wiser, more compassionate human being. I wanted my new handle to relfect this change in attitude and
VOILA!
Shameless metamorphosized into 4RealSpirit!
The result of my "inner work" these past few years has been that now I have goals and aspirations and I live my life on a daily basis to get me closer to those.
It means I am busy, focused, driven.
Yes, it also means that I have not dated in a long time!
But there is a unique kind of freedom that comes with being alone, I can do anything I want, whenever I want...and I have noone but my financial advisors to answer to!
Yes, it means that sometimes I get lonely...but I have learned that "lonely" is s choice!
Yes, it means that I sometimes I go to the movies alone...but I don't have to share my popcorn!
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Most Recent Comments by Others

Post Poster Post Date
Why did he cheat? We were in an "open" relationship FFS! (5)sirenprime
Apr 13, 2014 12:45 pm
Happy Ending (or...The Garage, part 2) (3)LaurelTreeGal
Dec 27, 2012 5:29 pm